keepsake blog

Things haven't changed, but it did not stay the way I wanted it to be. I'm bored, and tired, and lonely. Well, what do you expect from a lonely life anyway?

My recent posts had already been sad and daft. I wish I could make things right again, at least I wish I'd laugh because I'm truly happy: i.e. with life, school, home and friends.

At least I found a good song, that kinda fits the situation after I read the aching masterpiece by Sonya Hartnett "The Ghost's Child". The song is entitled Shirtsleeves by Ed Sheeran. I like the words too, not just the music. 

Oh and, Leadership Camp has passed. It was pretty normal, I wasn't very impressed, or genuinely happy, I was mad for a couple of minutes because I can be a bitch sometimes, and wish I bled more if I fell harder so I didn't have to cut my forearm all the time. But then the teachers showed us a video about the raging murder in Palestine, and saw blotches of red cells by the wall and the skin of Palestinian children and decided that these thin line scars shall not be put in my forearms for awhile. A few of the girls noticed the red marks across my hand, they asked me questions if they were cat scratches, or wild weeds' doings, I told them a crooked yeah with a maybe in the end.

After leadership camp was a very tiring weekend as usual. I slept through the whole Saturday, and on Sunday I'd had to help around a lot at this monstrous house. Also, the backyard is getting so fine. The badminton field clean of cracks and fallen leaves, the swimming pool shining it's new tiles screaming I'm almost done!, the walls painted smooth gray, the cute bamboos trimmed perfectly, and the pots of plants put beautifully. 

Tomorrow is school. I don't have enough happiness to go, but I will, because there's this force that tells me that I have to come. It's called Threat and Future. 

I haven't prepared my stuff for school and boarding, I should probably go. It felt quiet nice writing in here, and although I have bored you and made you think I'm trying to keep my "coolness" or "words", thanks for reading.

Goodbye from tired me :)

Summer of 2013, I thought I found my ‘story’, May 8th 2014, I lost the story I never had.

June 15th 2014, I parted with the quarter of my life: my classmates; some of the KTB tofus; some of the teachers; two of Lyka B.; and Army Pempek. 

7th of July 2014, Sophomore year began, I was concussed and partly, depressingly bored until some of the recent weeks. 

9th of August 2014, I'm writing this blogpost of the negatives turn outs of how time has changed everything.

I don't understand. They said time heals almost everything, then they said time doesn't heal anything, it just replaces memories, but both of them haven't taken place in me. When? Tomorrow? Next week? When? 

Yesterday I had a strange dream, a guy I know from school suddenly walked up to me, blabbering shit angrily on me, making me back spaces every now and then in the hallway, on how I should talk to him, and how I couldn't like him but can't like anyone else too. I thought of it for a great deal, then I came to consciousness, it was only just a dream.

Last weekend, I felt a girly euphoria, thinking I actually wanted to fancy someone who was 5737 kilometers away from me, yet I was again, just a one in a thousand. Friday afternoon, I realized how little that possibility could happen and how stupid I was.

Thursday noon, I made a note to make a video in the day of Zahra featuring school, then I remembered that I was embarrassing, so I delayed that idea until I can believe in myself as much as I do when doing speeches in front of people I don't particularly know.

5 days ago, I have studied easily that I never had childhood friends, all the memories from Oman has faded away, I miss my school friends, but that feeling lightens up very seldom despite the fact it's been 3 years.

Time is such an amazing thing to be blog written about. A rotation of the Earth from day to night, from weeks to months, from years to decades, and it effects us: physically and emotionally. 

01:16 A.M. of 9 August, I decided to sleep for now.

-Zahra Thania A.