Maybe the only reason why I'm posting such an emotional post is because I'm on my period.

You know those moments where it's late at night and you suddenly realise how lonely you are? How you wish you had someone to talk to? How you wish you had a story to write? Well, those moments are standing by with me tonight. I am so alone, I don't know what to do.

"It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head."

It fascinates me how somebody so little can paint such scars inside me and decided to just let the pain dry without giving me a band aid.

Everybody have problems you see. Some are homeless, some are pregnant out of marriage, some are out of money to buy drugs, some are abused, some are depressed and some are lost. I think my main problem right now is that I'm lost. Very lost. Like I'm in the middle of a blurred white circle where everything else was white, and there's no way out.

I try to distract myself with hobbies and fake laughs, but they never cured me. The emptiness inside me was leaking from the scars he didn't stitch. He stole my feelings to fix his. I am confused now. Of where I stood in people's lives. Maybe a toe on the corner of their minds, and maybe (-2%) on both of my feet in the centre.

There was something different. Everyone's busier now. Everyone's grown.

I guess the reason why I feel so empty is because I live in the present but my hopes are left behind. The promises we've made are slowly fading away, it's hard to get together again, we're not attracted into each other's stories anymore or never in the mood to be.  Distance may make things easier, but they fuck things equally the same. I lost my friends and most of my memories. Not in the way I feared, but in the way I cared. Slowly and unknowingly.

11:07 I wished I find my mind again
11:08 I wished I find my feelings
11:09 I wished I let go
11:10 I wished for 11:11
11:11 Hopeless but hoping