Hello, it's been awhile, I guess, or not.

I haven't had the mood to write something online these past few months, just because I don't see a purpose anymore or just because I don't see me having the potential to. Anyways, August is really hurting, there seems to be no sign of happiness lately, I rarely have the energy to do anything now. I clearly don't have anyone to hold on to anymore. I keep losing my hopes. My eyes are bruised blue as a side effect from crying, I'm almost never excited for anything anymore. A lot of things seem to annoy me. I start disappointing myself more often. No one seems to give a shit (as if that's not obvious). And I began walking around limp, trying to get away from people at school. So, yeah, I'm pretty much doing fine.

Man, what a beautiful paragraph.

If I were to be honest, I really don't know what to do. I don't know what I have to look forward to to survive this ongoing pain. I feel all the magic inside of me disappear in a slow and long process, sucked by some sort of unknown emptiness. I'm so sad. And I don't specifically know what I'm sad about. I wish things would get better, I wish I was closer to Allah so these worldly things wouldn't matter to me that much. I'm trying to though, that's probably the reason why I don't care about a lot of things and people lately. But it's like I'm missing something. I don't know. I hate having blurry vision everytime I'm reminded of who I am but hearts are hard to control. I really wish something miserably good will happen, I wish someone would come across this depressing post and help me through it. But oh god, what am I saying? It's not like anyone would care, and it's not like I know a lot of people. Plus, I'm a horrible person. I shouldn't hope for such fairy-tales.