The first day of Ramadhan, and I am feeling (with Allah's permission) wonderful under all the negative struggles He's given me.

"And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided." 
Al-Baqarah (2): Ayat 186

I actually do not know how to begin this post, but I'll give it a try. Since the beginning of June, I was very confused of either staying in my current school (ATC) or to move to somewhere that I must head to. By the first day of school which was directly after Report's Day, I knew that I had to move. That this school is by now too weary for me and that I shouldn't be here anymore. 

And so I proceed in researching schools that could possibly give me proper education and proper school terms, where I could actually follow the path to the right Islam and deepen my abilities and fix my deficiency. However, like every single thing in the world, each school has its risk. Sadly, I still have absolutely no idea which I am willing to risk, even if I know which I should.

Now I am stuck, in this part of my life.

While in this part of my life, terrible things happened and many things fall apart which I couldn't fathom simply in words, or anything else. It is merely there, existing, and I cannot explain.

I honestly don't know what's happening to me, my life or my family. I don't know what Allah holds for me, I just need a miracle, a help, an answer. I'm still full of hope, I believe, and I just need a positive comeback from all these negative struggles I've been going through this year. Some blessings, guidance and... the miracle I've been waiting for, for four years.

But that's too much is it? I don't know, even if it's too much, I believe that's okay to Allah. Allah is the only one near us.

"Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen. Sprinkle a miracle, ya Allah."