keepsake blog : Experience

Back Again #3

I know it's been a lot of while since I last touch base this blog I claim to be my platform of where I try to be unconditionally myself. But even so, I believe it's been a successful way of portraying my inner self -a procrastinator, and a juggler who doesn't juggle her responsibilities in correct order.

So, I've been sick for more than a week by now. Undoubtedly much more comfortable with how life is treating me, be it worse or better, I have no idea, and am somehow very content with that. I'm still lonely and have a lot of things to do, but I believe that's been taken care of by my ignorant chunk of personality.

To make my leaving for the lot of while fair, I'll try and make a coordinated writing of the highlights of the previous months.

The ending of February for me, was a takeaway trip to Lombok with my family. In which I refused to do in the first place, and deliberately changed my mind as soon as I stepped out of the plane -ended up the most awed person from experiencing it. The newborn flesh of the sea was something I haven't seen in quiet awhile, nor was the distance from the negativity of life. I was merely concussed of how great it felt to be away to someplace else and I'm glad this trip's happened.

Here's a few of my favorite life stills:

The girl staring outside the window, and the anxious man trying to fall asleep.

Was away from responsibilities for awhile. It was very nice.

The beach reminded me of Oman, now I miss it even more.

In the beginning of March, my school held our annual competition. Which may or may not have gone very well... I couldn't decide. However, it did do a much better self at setting an example for many people that "planning ahead is very important" especially in cases like this and that "miscommunication is the source of all remorse and conflicts". *smiles*

Also, my team and I were able to win second place in the debate competition that was held there! Presumably defeated by a group of novice under the motion "THW allow asylum seekers to work". Which was fine, I suppose, because I figured it out before it was announced. Anxiety is better prepared than not huh?

Here is a life still of us:

"When you're told to hold their trophy and pretend everything's okay"

Halfway through the end of March (27th to be precise), I turned seventeen. There was something relieving about my turning seventeen, quiet a lot of people remembered, some even took the time to write paragraph of hopes for me, which was nice and polite. My brother, who was a much more sensitive person than I am and who was having troubles with himself, managed to see me and bring a cake. My family and I ate a simple Arabic dinner at a surprisingly pleasant restaurant. However, the cake was preserved because the Arabic restaurant did not allow birthday celebrations. My brother was furious and left the restaurant instantly.

It didn't rain on my birthday, but the sky was a haze and some of the stars appeared after sundown. There were a couple of people who kept company of me through words as I waited outside, letting time seep into the walls of my skin. And in between, multiples of moments from when I was much younger and much happier than now managed to appear, in a very unsettling and simultaneous way. Which brought me to thinking whether or not I've been able to grow up to whom my little self has desired her to be.

Seventeen may not be the age of maturity, or of anything I've wanted for a long long time, but I am very certain that it is the age of progress. Progress in becoming better, progress in experiencing better things, progress in being closer to Him. And I hope that's what counts most.

Officially nine years apart from this picture of my little self looking as if preparing for a ballet dance/swimming class.

Achieved my long lost hobby!

A few days ago, my school joined another debate competition, specifically one that was held in Global Islamic School. To say the least, I didn't quiet enjoy it because I was pretty sick and I was rather tired of the whole routine. However, I seem to be very overwhelmed from achieving tenth in best speakers list, despite the fact that I got even sicker by the end of the competition. Moreover, the competitors were kinda unsettling too, there were little socializing and more competing which I didn't look forward to much... Oh, and we also met the now-not-so-novice debaters from last time. Which unluckily, we didn't get to debate with.

"Maybe next time."

-So, there you have it. Chunks of what happened in the past few months. And, not a surprise it took me two whole hours to finish this post. Well, hope it was worth it. Goodbye, and goodnight from me. Or should I say good morning?

Love always, Zee.

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Experience

Honest Reunion

About.. two years ago, I was in class with fourteen really incredible human beings, those of which were quiet modest about befriending others and those of which were quiet ridiculous at heart. Thinking about it now, I wasn't very close with everyone (to be precise: with male gendered ones) which might explain why I don't know them very well.

And in the span of that two years, I was graduating from grade nine. This technically meant that a lot of those fourteen-really-incredible-human-beings are about to leave (i.e. transferring to their desired high schools) and that I would never be in the same class with them all again. Which was true, because only four of us managed to stay. However, in the course of six months, two of us left too. And for the record, the only two from those fourteen who are ongoing survivors of Al-Taqwa are only me and Tsamara.

Tragic. I know.

Fast forward to 2016, eighth of February, nine of us were miraculously met in a reunion. We *ate, became bored, got into traffic on our way to watching a horror movie, watched the horror movie, parted, and are now back in our homes (I think).

Bagas was bald. That was his reason for the cap.

It took me about half an hour into the horror movie to realize just how much I missed these people. When I constantly made terrible jokes to Bagas, Huzi and Tsam (for they were the only ones reachable in the theater), when Putri "secretly" poked my head a couple of times to "scare" me, when Pristina and Kyla were cuddling because they were shit-terrified, when Ariq was asleep because he watched the movie before, and when Dika acted funnily whilst watching... It only sank to my mind how long it's been since we were ever together and that when we are together after two years, things never really change. Sure, some of them may have changed physically and mentally, but that does not mean it detains them from being who they originally were when we were still in class together.

Ariq was a bit desperate to be in the picture with Putri and Pristina. So I let him in.

My baby fujifilm X30 has been a little off lately, Tsamara was a model for trial

Because you can never get a good picture of me.

Here's a picture of Dika enjoying his arrival and Huzi's majestic hoodie (IT HAS EARPHONES IN THE HOODIE STRINGS!)

And that made me really happy. I felt less-terrible upon this crumbling world. It was a remarkable experience among the empty gray of school days as a remaining Al-Taqwa survivor, I hope we meet again very soon, kinda still miss you all -words of the late one.

Love always, Zee.

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2015

For 2016: and for myself

Before 2015 began, I have hoped far and low that the coming year would be wonderful, memorable and would gratify my expectations. It finally dawned on me (recently) that not all expectations have to come true and that 2015 wasn't the year of travelling or of living youthfully, it was the year of encountering difficulty within myself and the year of admitting defeat to ease sincerity.

However, it was also the year of phenomenal skies, an amazing Fujifilm camera and the beginning of my aspiring hobby in creating visuals through videos and writing. Not to mention the incredible stress over school, faith and the absence of company. And these things have taught me more than what I could have asked for. Yes, I may not have handled it very well but I've been through the fire and what fire does not destroy, it hardens.

Besides, everything takes time and time will only help me grow into someone who I long to be. And no one can take that away from me, they don't have the right and they never will.

Because in 2015, I understood that

not everybody has the ability to understand sadness and that a lot of people pretend to be with you because they needed something from you, not because they wanted to be a part of your life.
at times, you just have to cut ties with the people you thought were meant to stay, because Allah wanted them in your life merely for a lesson; they were meant to bend you, not to mend you.

In 2015, I was aware that

sometimes, everything won't be alright. There are things that will be fine, but some will only continue breaking your heart. And that's just part of what it's like to be alive, but you don't have to be so stressed about it because at some point, everything will be alright.
you just have to be patient and accepting

In 2015, I learned that

being grateful for the things that you are mostly unaware of is important. You may be sad that you've failed your test or had your heart broken by some idiot, but please don't forget to remember that you still have your family and a house that keeps you safe. That you're still healthy and alive and still has a chance to better the world.
Allah has better plans. So put your trust in Him.

"Like the moon, you only see parts of me, never the full thing." -lovelysuggestion (tumblr)

And for 2016, I hope to begin conquering my dreams and resolutions (such as getting accepted and perhaps a scholarship to one of my targeted universities). They mostly include taking better care of myself and living in new places, as well as meeting more incredible human beings that will lessen the pain of inexperience and loneliness.

I pray that I will draw myself closer to God and to heal what’s wounded.

And to finish, I wish you all a remarkable and heart-warming year ahead where there are moments where everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt. Hopefully in the coming year, we would all stop ruining ourselves (and others) for what doesn’t matter and start fixing each other entirely for the better.

Love always, Zee.

"Life is most beautiful when visuals are like film stills." -z.t.

. . . . .

"I hope that in 2016, you find what you’re looking for. I hope you find true love, a new friend, the perfect house, the best sunsets, more time, the beauty in everything, and the right path. I hope you find a chance to start over, but most of all, I hope you find yourself." -c.a.m.

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Experience

Bus Night: a series of unfortunate events

Yesterday before 6 AM, I headed to my room and grabbed my Fujifilm X30, a good looking mirrorless point-and-shoot camera I bought this summer that was lying on the floor with dust decorations in between the buttons and screen. I was on my way to an excursion to Chevron, an American multinational company that has one of its production industry in Mountain Salak, Bogor. Somehow, I knew the trip wasn't going to be pleasant. And oh god, how I wish I hadn't guessed right.

Since I've never been fond of buses, I sat alone next to a window just a few seats away from the door and didn't allow anyone to sit next to me in case I'd get really annoyed or really sick. And as expected, I got sick! I don't think anyone except my friends who sat across me noticed I was crying because of the severe headache but hey- I got really sick!

To spice up the situation, the air conditioning suddenly died and we had to stop the bus, everyone were nesting in their sweat-soaked uniforms and hot air, continuously fighting for a breeze. After about twenty minutes, we headed back to the peak of the mountain only to find out that we had been lost in the wrong hill for more than one hour.

And after 90 minutes late, we finally arrived at the right hill -a radiant hill of pretty trees and cold breeze. I was glad Chevron's choice of planting an industry was at least relaxing. But to continue with the series of unfortunate events, nothing in strolling around the industry for three hours had interested me, I wasn't a science student and wasn't attracted to engineering. But I had dealt with plenty of excursions from school like this, so it was fine with me.

Cloud-making factory

An old friend giggling at the thought of cloud-making factories

The roads and the trees looked comfortably unfamiliar

Most of us high school students and teachers had expected the way back home to be less dissatisfying since we had switched bus that time. Thankfully, our expectations had met -a 5 hour night drive back home caused by traffic and heavy rain. And to continue with the series of unfortunate events, the aftermath of me visiting a convenient store in heavy rain were soaking wet clothes, not to mention the ceiling of the bus above me was leaking, in which resulted in me moving to the seat next to an untamed friend.

This was when all the bus night photos began, when everyone were far too tired to continue being tired. When I first had a decent laughable conversation with some underclassmen. When my cold cold hands reached out for my camera and decided to switch on the flash. When everyone became incredibly photogenic. It seemed as if the excursion was (accidentally) planned only for this bus night photo occasion.. Anyways, whatever it was planned for, I'm glad it had ended like so.

I was recording a video from Snapchat, sorry if I blinded you camera-man

My favourite picture of the Amalia Safira siblings

Apparently, Titanic moments could happen in a bus, girl meets girl is no exception

The talk show did not go well, but these two seem to get along just fine

We played a game and woke everyone up

Hadi finally got out of his comfort zone and pulled out his inner talent

Candid of one of the Amalia Safira siblings, blurry, but still worthwile

The flash hurt their eyes, especially the one with the really awkward-exposed right arm

Say cheese! "Jeez"

It's amazing to recall how excited I was when I figured how well the pictures turn out to be. Everyone looked so good that I became far too busy taking pictures of them that I forgot I was sick in the first place. Thanks for bearing with me throughout the entire post. Hope you had a pleasant night, may peace be with you.

Until we meet again!

Love always,

Zee.

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Experience

Negative Comments

For about 10 months ago, me and my classmates interviewed Indonesian strangers about Islam and turned it into a video for a school project. This video -until today, is the most viewed video on my YouTube with a 700 and above (I know it's not much but hey, beginner right?). The feedback from people on this video are mostly: good job! Love it! etc. But me and my friends knew that sooner or later hate comments towards our video and towards Islam will show up. And we guessed right.

2 months ago, we received our first negative comment.

At 1995, Islam is 98% of all population.. I hate it! Now at 2015, again at 2015, Islam is 80% of all population.. Every day Islam lose 4000-5000+ followers, I LOVE IT!

As most of my friends suggested me to ignore it, I figured that it would be best to and decided to leave the comment stand by its own. But eventually one of my friends replied to the comment, and it had ended like so (see above pict).

A week ago though, we received two negative comments, from one user who seem to dislike (with a passion!) our video and Muslims who stands by their beliefs. This is what he said:

Just look at how bigoted they are peoples.claiming islam is the best of other hundreds of religion.im sorry but i got to be honest(muhamad had sex with an under aged girl named aisha)she is roughly 9 or 10 years old .why choose islam?its clear because you think its the best right,it means you think its better than other religion like christian,hinduism,buddhism,mormonism etc.sorry muslims but u gotta open your mind a little wider

His other comment that revealed his disgust towards women who use hijab was soon reported as spam/abuse by me since it was troublesome and might offend other users.

For a long while I was hesitant to ignore it, for the comment disturbed my heart, and I was taught by my Islamic teachers that when something disturbs the peace of my heart, I'm supposed to stop it with an action, or a saying or by my heart (prayers). And I chose to have a say through an action of replying whilst praying for whomever commented the above.

This is what I replied:

This comment is for account:

First, I'm sorry if this video offended you, in a way that I never meant this video to, but please try to understand that everyone has different beliefs and stands by their own opinions. Second, do not speak of Islam unless you know what you're talking about. And if you still do, make sure to link the explanation of what you're saying and ensure the fact according to the history. Third, thank you for your advice on telling us Muslims to "open our minds a little wider", I'd like you to do it too and do not be one-sided. Lastly, if you're so sick of girls wrapping their heads with "those hijab thing" that makes us look like an assassin/thief, you can simply ignore what you see. Plus, if people have the right to wear as little as a bikini, then I have the right to wear as much as a hijab. And no, this is not a butthurt comment, I'm simply replying to what you're saying that is untrue.

And I would like to leave it like that, and if that person tries to make a comeback, which I hope he does not, I will ignore, unless it troubles me even more. Lastly, please keep in mind that I'm writing this post only as an experience of cyber hate that offends my belief, and that I did not write to shame anyone. I hope this post did not come as hurtful or wrong, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night wherever you are. May peace be upon you.

Love always, Zee.

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Competition

IISI Debates in UI

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Experience

Greeting 2015

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Experience

Books and Coffees

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Competition

Environmental Issues Speech

This is the speech I did yesterday in BPK Penabur Bogor. I really liked what I have written though. I really liked the way it's built. I guess it was just not good enough for the competition, and because I suddenly forgot a line at the 4th paragraph. It's stupid to think I could have won when I knew I wouldn't. There was never a second chance for me to have achieved their thoughts, but okay okay I get it, I have failed, and it's my fault. Good job on the competition by the way.

"Greetings your Excellencies sires, madams and distinguished guests. Today, I, Zahra Thania, a sophomore student of Al-Taqwa College am here to make a difference and to speak for this generation and the generation yet to come.

I hereby stand not because I was elected to do this speech, but because I am here to detain environmental issues that have harmed the earth exceedingly well over the past few years. And to start off let me ask you:

Why is the world becoming an uncomfortable place to live in? Have you ever thought of that? Why is the world becoming such an uncomfortable place?

In my recent research, it has been calculated that the topic environmental issues are escalating every year. Pollution –the major environmental problem is now found everywhere. Air pollution as well as noise pollution is able to be found right outside this building, causing diseases and deafness without us knowing. This is dangerous sire; we have a serial killer that we aren’t able to capture.

I am from Indonesia and I believe that it is right to fight for my future and all of your future most importantly.

We were all once so young and so comforted of living in the earth, but can you picture our grand-grand children happily living in a fully polluted environment? In a world where climate change is something very usual? A place where there is no such thing as fresh water? Where cancer is found in every meat and every fish of their meal? Even nowadays cancer is able to be found in fishes, climate change is beginning to be usual, and people are infected with lung cancer caused by air pollution. Can you imagine what our future will face? What the next generation’s future will be?

Although nobody will ever accuse me of being a science kid, one thing that I learned from Physics is that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Scientifically proven, environmental issue is the result of exploitation of the used energy that cannot be destroyed.

Thus, we cannot end environmental issues, sadly. What has happened had happened, and what’s happening is happening. The most that we can do is to slow down, to retard the environmental issues and to do this, I, we, the world, will need all of you involved.

I am not launching a campaign, I am only launching productivity in the little things I do. Little things will eventually result into something big. Like environmental issue; it came from the little mistakes we have done that we did not take care of. And solving this begins with the little things as well.

First step: conserve energy. This sire, will literally takes only thoughtfulness and a simple gesture of the hand: like turning off lights when not needed and unplugging everything when they aren’t in use. A little spoiler, electricity and appliances that are still plugged in even if they’re ‘off’ will still snap energy which defines as negativity for your electricity bills.

The next step is to understand that every matter of the Earth enjoys where they are supposed to be correctly put in. An example of that is: throwing rubbish into the rubbish bin, not on the pavement, not on the sidewalk, but into the rubbish bin. Where they will be well content to be recycled and reused.

The last step I will be introducing to you is to please become less reliant on things that pollute the environment. Become less reliant on your cars. I wouldn’t tell you to stop using your cars, I’m only informing you that the emissions of the car’s fuel are harming my lungs, and definitely yours and others’ as well.

Just last year I did a similar speech to this one, and I promise you, it wasn’t only a combination of words and written solutions to the environmental issue, it was an implementation that grew inside me. So I hope that this speech would instil in all of you too, and would make you realize that we do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.

As there are times to greet, there are times to farewell. And to finally end this speech, I would like to scorch something inside of you once more. Ian Somerhalder once said, “What you do the environment, ultimately you do to yourself.” And if the environment is like this, then what have we done to ourselves? Thank you very much."